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Extremely important advices and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup June/July this year...
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and you’re so called "words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times!!
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??” the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Men of the World
(1-9)
100% = Ma7at
3abed = 3abad
3ama bi 3youno = 3amba3younouu
3ammeh = 3emmemeh
3elbeh 3elkeh= Daff 3elek
3esmanliyeh = Basma
7amod= Mrokbi
7fadat = khrou2
7ki ma3i = 7akkini
7rami - Serro2
A
Abiad = She2 ellefat
Al madame = el maro
Arb3a = Arbo
Arb3a w arb3in = Arbo w arbin
Asabe3 = Sobi3
Assenceur = Asanser
B
Ba7er = Ba7ar
Bared = Zentori
Baguette = Sammouneh
Bakhil = 7antiti
Ballon = Neffaykha
Beb el beit = Beb el z2a2
Bebe = Babbou
Bek shi? = Shebak shi?
Bicyclette = messekleh
Bonbon = Ne2el - M3allal
Bzez = Bjez
C
Cassette = koset
Calender = Reznoma
Chajra = Sajra
Chambre d'air = shombryl
Charraj = Sarraj
Chapeau = Bernayta
Chauffeur = Shoufer
Chocolat = Chakaloto
Cigarette = Sikoro
Cinema = cilamè
Cocktail = coptail
Computer = cambuter
Cornet bouza = Aran Bouzo
Corridor= darbieh
Cravatte = Krofeh
Culotte = Shenten
Curdent = Ma7kashoun
D
Da2ira = 7ouway2a
Darab kaff = Fa3ato kaff
Doctor = Dactour
E
Eben = Iban
Echapement = eshekmon
El 3ayleh = 3o2ili
El benet = el minat
El hay2a = 3eddeno
El sabet = Essabat
El seneh el madieh = 3emnawel
En arriere = anariel
Ezez = ejez
F
Faras = Farsa
Farjini = Warjini
Fattet 7ommos = tese2yeh
Fennas = Fennos
Fer2e3 = Shennek
Fi = Fa
Film = felam
Fiyi = Fini
Football = fatbol / Ftobil
Fosfori = Fesfesi
Ftakaret = Khessabat
Ftayer = Sh3aybiyet
G
Ghasil = Khasil
Ghassan = Khassen
I
Ibrahim = Brohin
Ibrik = zammouleh
Internet = interlat
Iza = Ija
J
Jarour = Derej
Jat = Lagan
Jazireh = Zireh
Jebneh 7alloum = 7oloum
Jeldeh = eshata
Jem3a = Asbou3
Jisir = Zisar
K
Ka3ek = Ka3ak
Kabset daw = fa2set daw
Kalset = Alchin
Kamen = Essan
Kebbeyeh = kebboyeh
Kermel = Michen
Khal = Khol
Khayi = Akhi
Khezzen el may = 7awouz
Kis el khebez = rabto
L
Lira = Niro
M
M3allem = b3allem
M3assal = M3assel
Majroud = a7aaaaf
Mala2et el ghaseel = Shakalet
Mames7a = shartouta
Manefda = Tabseh
Manicure = Eclador - Managir
Manshafeh = Bashkir
Mebreyeh = Berroyeh
Mecanicien = Meklecien
Mele7 = Mila7
Menshiyeh= Meshiyeh
Menu = Minou
Mertben = atrameez
Mesheyeh = she77ayta
Mfakk Baraghi = Mafrak
Microphone= magrafon
Mina = Mineh - Esekleh
Mne2ish = Man2ouch
Motorcycle = motcikal
Mouhandes = mhandez
Mrabba = Tatleh
N
Nawari = Jla2a3i
Network = Natwirk
Noss el jem3a = Ba7ar el asbou3
P
Pantalon = Bantaroonn
Papa = Bobo
Pepsi = Bibas
Pizza = Biza
Pimp = Mokh
Plastic = Blastic
Point mort = boumor
R
Rabtat = Shouwaytat
Ras batata = Doch batata
Remote Control = Rimon
S
Sac = dezdan
Salleh = Artal
Sandal = Mshabkeh - Em Esbo3
Sandou2 el sayara = tabbouneh
Savon = Soboun
Sejjedeh = seddejeh
Service = sarfis
Seven up = Sifan abb
Shames = Samas
Shou hayda = Sheklo hede
Size = 7ajam
Sport shoes = sakab
T
Tabshour = tabashir
Tawla = Sibeh
Teleferique = Tall frik
Television = Talfazion
Ter2at = Ter2an
Teta = Tayta
Tetkhiteh = Takhtiyeh
Tleteh = Kleteh
Toilet = shashma / mekhroyeh
Tripoli= Trobloss
V
Volant = derkesion - gidon
W
Wa7ad = We7ed
Wejj = Wesh
Wese3 = Mfande2
Wasakh = Nisha7
Y
Ya kharab baytak = Yekhrenaytak - Yekhreboushtek
Ya sh7ari = She77ori
Z
Zennar = kamar
Zri3a = Zarri3a
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What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)
-----------------------------------
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)
-----------------------------------
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)
----------------------------------
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)
----------------------------------
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)
----------------------------------
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)
----------------------------------
1. Breathing
Tata
Suz |  |
... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.
... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them
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